When I Close My Eyes, I'm All Alone Again

Trapped In An Oasis By Marielle Lanto

It was under the scorching heat of the summer sun when I felt a sudden twinge in the midst of my heart— not caused by a shivering pain, but brought by an unusual vial of joy delivered by the people around me I naturally learned to call “friends.” 

‘Treasure,’ the other term that immediately hits my mind whenever I think about them.

 
Whatever season is about to transpire, they are always in the picture to assure me of something that I need to keep myself surviving in every day of my life. As long as there is the sun up in the sky or clouds that will pour the rain down, as long as there are shallow conversations that will dig deep and bring out the joy we used to hold back, as long as there are hardships that will bring us together and bind us tighter, as long as there is a small slice of cake we're going to share with each other, as long as there are beans to roll over the table, as long as I have them within my reach; I know I will never walk alone. I have people I can call my 'home.' 

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However, the sun is not meant to stay in the sky without in-between inferences. This ball of fire, or rather, the architect of my motivation, also has to go to bed and camouflage into the pitch darkness once the evening approaches. As the territory up above switches monarchy, it's a dreading sign that happiness within me will then begin to evaporate. The laughter we shared together will dissipate into the air as we part ways and call this gleeful moment a day. It's time to bid goodbye for a while and lead our directions far apart.

 
The cheerfulness that enlivened me throughout the day has finally concluded, blending gradually into the silent winds of the night. And as I lay on the bed and turn the lights down, the real movie plays in my vision. Once I close my eyes to get myself to sleep, I know what's next, I'm all alone again. In a dark space where we are usually consumed by our frustrations, fear, and anxiety; all we have who can help us endure is ourselves. That’s the reality. 

The only thing we can truly bring with us are memories.

(Marielle loves to express herself in different forms of art. She can act, sing, write, but she becomes more herself when she paints. Check out her masterpieces here.)