The Art of Forgiving

You know what, I envy those people who can easily forget and forgive. How I wish I also have that same level of courage to let go of the burden and move forward like nothing happened. But I'm not that kind of person. 

People around me can prove that it’s extremely rare to see me exploding out of anger. Actually, some of them have been constantly asking me if I even know how to get mad. To set the record straight, definitely yes. Just like you, I also run out of patience and understanding sometimes. I get pissed off. I get irritated. But I know to myself that I’m terribly poor in finding suitable ways on how I can express or simply imply I’m angry at a particular moment. I’m really not sure why I find it so difficult but probably because it’s just my nature to present myself as someone soft and vulnerable. It feels like resorting to any channels of release that would only lead to fight or violence is beyond my ability as a human being. Hence, the exasperated face of me always used to hide behind my pale and unresponsive smile. 

I hate it when a certain issue prolongs to float in the air. As much as possible, I will always choose to clear out the tension between me and the other party. So when they show up and hand me their apology, I will immediately take it and close the rift even without examining its sincerity, purpose, and substance. How pure and nice of me. But I know that a part of my acceptance is not totally real. Even if I convincingly reply "no worries, it's ok," I know that deep inside me, there's a fresh and bleeding wound I'm striving hard to hide. Reversibly, I know I'm not fine and just pretending I am. There's still pain and I can't easily let it slip away with just a reconcilement. 

Deep Down

I believe that forgiving someone who comes on bad terms with you is a lifelong process. It's more than an exchange of "I'm sorry" and "It's ok." in a coffee table conversation. It works not by the virtue of words but of understanding and acceptance from each other. And it’s certainly so hard to bring in action. 

The casual acceptance of apology done by the mouth and a sticky handshake is nothing but a mere surface branding just to abate the situation and infer that the drama is over. But deep down, I know that many of you, including me, are still counting on the terrifying memories it brought you and still holding on to the pain it caused you. There are nights you’re still crying. There are days you’re still afraid to face. And those are the things you can’t easily get away from with a fake smile and empty laughter. 

Forgive yourself first.

It starts with you. The process begins from the moment you genuinely forgive yourself. Dry out the wounds by expressing what you really feel inside. Take the pain as part of your life and let it fade in time. It will surely turn into scars soon and you’ll get yourself unbridled again. 

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Forget? 

Don't ever make yourself believe that you will be able to forget, because we all know that it's not going to happen. The pain may fade in time, but the impact will certainly remain forever. Take note of this, you will never afford to completely forget, but you'll get to learn from your past experience. And as the lesson starts to nourish your soul, you'll begin to accept this disastrous chapter and welcome it with open arms as one significant part of your life. 

Soon Enough

You'll have genuine peace of mind. Your fear that it might happen again in the future will subside and will then be replaced with hope. There’s no need to prove yourself to anyone that you’re ok because your authentic smile will tell them you’ve finally recovered. And a flower will bloom once more to your heart as a sign that you’re undergoing a new spring season in your life after a deleterious winter.

I'm so excited to see again the colors that once faded in your eyes. You're much more beautiful when you're free.

Photo Credit: Ksenia Makagonova